The anthill teems with busy life. Seemingly orchestrated by a higher power or design the lines of workers move back and forth, in and out, up and around - unified in the building, collecting and protecting of their impressive kingdom. I wonder if there ever was an ant to stop, think of the enormity of the task, and bow out then and there. It’s too great a task - I’m only one ant - it will never be completed - there won’t be enough for winter. Overwhelmed and inadequate. So often these are the first feelings to wake me up in the morning and follow me around throughout the day. Living half asleep, half alive, halfway to somewhere or something that I want to be. I know I want to live a life of influence, success, wholeness - contributing and adding to the lives of those around me. But another day goes by and I don’t see or feel any difference. My hands feel empty or without purpose, caught in the mundane my focus blurs. ———————————————————————-- Jesus had been teaching, giving, healing all day, all week. A huge crowd followed him everywhere he went, always wanting more. The day grew late, sun setting, and the disciples could sense the crowd was stirring, getting hungry and tired. They urged Jesus to send the crowds home to find food and rest. Jesus turns and says simply, “You feed them.” A small fortune! Didn’t Jesus know how much that would require? So much more than they had or could imagine. Overwhelming to comprehend. Impossible. Then a young boy brings his packed lunch - five loaves of bread and two fish - and gives it to Jesus. Cute, they think. So sweet, but so insignificant. A child’s gift, a child’s faith - now back to the real problem at hand. Little did they anticipate Jesus’ response, or ability. “Tell everyone to sit down,” Jesus ordered. So all of them - the men alone numbered five thousand - sat down on the grassy slopes. Then Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks to God, and passed them out to the people. Afterward he did the same with the fish. And they all ate until they were full. “Now gather the leftovers,” Jesus told his disciples, “so that nothing is wasted.” There were only five barley loaves to start with, but twelve baskets were filled with the pieces of bread the people did not eat. John 6:10-13 ——————————————————————-- What if this child had withheld what was in his hand? What if he had thought like an adult - what’s the point? What I have is insignificant, inadequate and not worth giving. What if he had thought like me? I sense a tug on my heart - how many times have I missed an opportunity to give or offer what I have because I fear it isn’t enough, or think that it won’t be missed? There was a miracle on the other side of this young boys sacrifice and gift - a miracle that not only filled his belly, but every belly around him. What’s in my hand? What’s in your hand? I want to live a life of influence - but do I live faithful to my commitments, choosing integrity when it’s hard or unseen by others? I want to live wholehearted - do I choose to be fully present with my daughters? Laughing, playing, teaching, encouraging - engaging with them even when there’s many other tasks that seem more pressing at the time? I want to live a life of success - do I take every opportunity to be excellent, to do what I have to do well? I’m learning that I can’t do it all - but I can do one thing at a time, and do it well. What’s in my hand today? “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones.” Luke 16:10 I want to live with the heart attitude of this young boy. Open handed, open hearted, giving all I have to offer in every encounter or situation, trusting God for the rest.
6 Comments
Kate
10/31/2019 05:40:05 pm
Thanks for what you wrote, Hannah. I can really echo what you said:
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Hannah
11/1/2019 04:08:07 am
Thanks Kate, it’s a busy season! But a beautiful, messy one. Thankful for the moments and the great lessons in them. X
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Debmai
10/31/2019 07:04:11 pm
Thank you for expressing what most of us feel throughout different seasons of life - but sometimes we are too disheartened to acknowledge it. This is a lesson Jesus was merciful enough to teach me many years ago - but, being human, I gobble up every (needed) reminder. Thank you!
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Hannah
11/1/2019 04:09:04 am
Thanks Deb, it’s a good lesson - one I’m sure I’ll learn many times over!
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Christine Stannard
11/1/2019 03:02:29 am
Wow Hannah such beautiful and honest thoughts. I’m sure your life sometimes feels like the instructions on a shampoo bottle. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. 😏
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Hannah
11/1/2019 04:10:35 am
It does feel like that sometimes! But the few years have already flown by, and I’m sure the next 20 will also. Thanks for the reminder that these days are short and should be enjoyed! Hope you guys are well :) xx
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AuthorHannah Mai Archives
October 2016
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